becoming christian

“Why am I a Christian? Well, am I really a Christian? Am I so firmly and definitely as if it were something finished and done with, and open to proof? What is the position of this ‘being’ of mine continually slips away from me when I want to lay hold of it as firmly as the question suggests? What if this ‘being a Christian’ which I am being asked about is not something that is at all? What if it is something that is involved in a continual process of becoming? What if our self-examination has to confess: I am a Christian and a non-Christian at the same time? Faith and doubt struggle within me, so that I have continually to cry out: ‘Lord I believe, help my unbelief!’ What if I am again and again thrown back to the beginning, where being and non-being wrestle with one another? For then I cannot produce any arguments for a complete and secure Christian existence.”

|| Jürgen Moltmann, Experiences of God