he wanted to pour more, but there was nothing left. the bottle was empty.
“why pity you?” shouted the proprietor, who turned up near them again.
there was laughter and even swearing. the laughter and swearing came both from those who were listening and from those who were not listening but merely looking at the figure of the retired official.
“pity! why pity me!” Marmelodov suddenly cried out, rising with his hand stretched forth, in decided inspiration, as if he had only been waiting for these words. “why pity me, you say? yes! there’s nothing to pity me for! i ought to be crucified, crucified on a cross, and not pitied! but crucify, o judge, crucify, and having crucified, pity the man! and then i myself will come to you to be crucified, for i thirst not for joy, but for sorrow and tears! . . . do you think, wine-merchant, that this bottle of yours brought me sweetness? sorrow, sorrow i sought at its bottom, sorrow and tears, and i tasted it and found it; and he will pity us who pitied everyone, and who understood all men and all women, he alone, and he is the judge. on that day he will come and ask, ‘where is the daughter who gave herself for a wicked and consumptive stepmother, for a stranger’s little children? where is the daughter who pitied her earthly father, a foul drunkard, not shrinking from his beastliness?’ and he will say, ‘come! i have already forgiven you once . . . i have forgiven you once . . . and now, too, your many sins are forgiven, for you have loved much . . .’ and he will forgive my sonya, he will forgive her, i know he will . . . today, when i was with her, i felt it in my heart! and he will judge and forgive all, the good and the wicked, the wise and the humble . . . and when he has finished with everyone, then he will say unto us, too, ‘you, too, come forth!’ he will say. ‘come forth, my drunk ones, my weak ones, my shameless ones!’ and we will all come forth, without being ashamed, and stand there. and he will say, ‘swine you are! of the image of the beast and of his seal; but come, you, too!’ and the wise and the reasonable will say unto him, ‘lord, why do you receive such as these?’ and he will say, ‘i receive them, my wise and reasonable ones, forasmuch as not one of them considered himself worthy of this thing . . .’ and he will stretch out his arms to us, and we will fall at his feet . . . and weep . . . and understand everything! then we will understand everything! . . . and everyone will understand . . . lord, thy kingdom come!”
|| fyodor dostoevsky, crime and punishment